Part I ~ Part II ~ Part III ~ Part IV ~ Part V ~ Part VI ~ Part VII ~ Part VIII ~ Part IX ~ Part X ~ Part XI ~ Part XII ~ Part XIII
The Kris Story, Part XIV
or...The Ring
7.1.8
I had every intention of holding to my end of the bargain. I had even begun planning for a big romantic date to prove my dedication to making things work. Before I got the chance, though, Kris broke her promise.
The night of September 3rd, 2004, not too long after our initial discussion, Kris didn't come home again. This was even more devastating than before because now she just seemed intent on blatantly illustrating how little she cared anymore. I made my usual phone calls and trips to his doorstep, but they all went unanswered. For the most part, though, I just didn't have the energy for it anymore. I was exhausted both emotionally and physically, so I spent most of that night at home. I still felt sick to my stomach and I still didn't understand what had provoked this sudden complete change in her. She had seemingly reverted back to her old ways after 2 years of wonderful "reform."
I've never been one to do anything like this, but desperate to know what was going through her head I began looking for any clues I could find. Since we knew each other's passwords for everything, I looked through her e-mails. Inside, I found a confirmation for her registration to my-diary.org. "Here is your password for your new diary. You should save it for future reference. Password: joshhenson"
...Josh Henson? The supposed soul mate she had skipped out on The Great American Roadtrip to be with? This was her password? "Maybe," I thought, "she created this account a long time ago." Searching through the entries quickly disproved that theory, though. She had only recently started the diary.
Most of the entries were pretty useless, but a few were about me. More specifically, they were about her feelings for me (or lack thereof). The basic gist was that she loved me, but that she wasn't sure if she was still in love with me (information I'm sure I would have preferred to find out some other way).
It was another long, hard, mostly sleepless night for me after that. My search had only led to more questions because her private thoughts seemed just as confused about the situation as I was. In the morning, I headed to Zio's, since I knew she was scheduled to work that day.
I waited there in the sun contemplating our future together. Were we really ready to get married? It was apparent that we should take a step backward, but I wasn't sure how to approach it. In the end, she practically made the decision for me.
I saw them pulling up in his hatchback. They drove right past me and headed toward a nearby 7-11 store. They were already late as usual, but she obviously needed one of the energy drinks she had come to rely on recently. After a few minutes inside they drove back and parked a few spots away from me. Steve headed straight inside, while she walked over to me. She had a pure hatred in her eyes that I hadn't seen there for years. She spoke before I had the chance to.
"Yeah, I know. We need to talk," she said sarcastically, "We'll have to do it later, 'cause I'm late for work." Who the fuck did she think she was? The energy drinks she had time for, but not her fiancée? This was almost more insulting than picking drugs over me.
My mind was made up. "Give me the ring," I said slowly, through clenched teeth.
With eyes wide, she lifted her hand. "This ring? The ring I payed for?"
"The ring that obviously meant more to me than it ever did to you," I said in the same angry tone.
She stared at me motionless for a moment before complying. I watched as she pulled and twisted the ring from her finger and happened to catch a glimpse of two heavy teardrops hitting the pavement. I remember the wind was blowing from the southeast. I looked up hoping to see a new emotion on her face, but was greeted only with the same hard stare. She slammed the ring into my open palm, bitterly exclaiming, "Take it," before walking toward the large green front doors. She opened one and then paused just long enough to yell across the parking lot, "The ring may have meant more to you...but our baby obviously didn't mean that much to you."
I watched, stunned, as she disappeared behind those doors.
I just stood there for a few minutes, staring at the ring in my hand, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. Eventually, I gathered up some change and called Zio's from a payphone. After being told a couple of times that she was too busy to come to the phone, eventually I was able to get a hold of her.
It was a short conversation because she claimed that I was going to get her in trouble at work. However, I did get the chance to explain to her that I wasn't breaking up with her. It was just clear to me that we had some problems that we needed to work out before I could give the ring back (especially after the bombshell she had just dropped). I also asked her to promise that she would come home after work to talk things over that night. She told me she would.
That afternoon, I showed up as her shift was ending. She was already gone. Of course, I knew where she was sure to be. I headed to Steve's place again and knocked on the door, expecting only the usual lack of response. Suddenly, I heard a loud banging from inside, like footsteps quickly approaching. I was immensely startled when the door opened violently. At first, it came to a noisy halt as the security chain tightened, nearly pulling itself from the door frame. Then, Steve slammed the door, undid the chain, and swung it back open, screaming at the top of his lungs, "WHAT?!"
He was standing there shirtless, with an expression of rage on his face that would have seemingly been more appropriate on mine. At this point, though, I had simply been subjected to more stress than I could handle. My eyes started welling up with tears immediately and I barely managed to sputter out, "Please...I just need to talk to Kris."
"Well, she's not here," he callously retorted before slamming the door again. More depressed than I've ever been, but not wanting to invite any violence upon myself, I slowly descended the stairs and headed home. Meanwhile (although, I didn't know it at the time), he went back to fucking the woman I loved.
It was another long, hard, lonely night for me...
The next morning, I called Kris at Zio's and again pleaded with her to come talk with me after work. Again, she promised. This time I didn't take any chances. I headed inside before her shift was over and saw her refilling salt and pepper shakers in preparation of the end of her shift. At one point, I saw Steve pass her on his way to the front door. I watched as they exchanged goodbyes and see-you-tomorrows, then he left. Shortly thereafter, she headed to the back to clock out. "I'll be right back," she informed me, "I just have to talk to the manager for a minute."
I must have stood there like an idiot for a good 10 minutes. Eventually, someone asked me what I needed. I informed him that I was waiting for Kris, so he went to the back to check for her. When he returned, he told me, "Looks like you missed her. She just left a few minutes ago."
I asked him if he was absolutely sure about that and he affirmed that he was. Confused and suspicious, I left. There was just one thing to check. I drove around the building and saw it: The side door that she had escaped through.
I rarely get embarrassed, but this was definitely one of those times. I wondered how many of her co-workers (each of whom had been convinced by her that I was a horrible person), had been secretly laughing at me as I stood there waiting for her. Surely she and Steve had been.
Either stupidly or bravely, I returned to Steve's house. His car wasn't there, so I waited around for them to arrive. Eventually I saw him walking up without her. "She's not here, man," he said somewhat civilly as he fished his keys from his pocket. "You can come in and look around if you want...see for yourself."
As he opened the door, I suggested instead, "Can I just talk to you for a minute?" I'm not sure what possessed me to ask such a thing, but he agreed to accommodate me and we went inside.
I looked around the living room of what was essentially a crappy bachelor pad. His couch was a futon, the wall was adorned with a giant tapestry of naked women's backs painted as Pink Floyd album covers and I think there may have even been a lava lamp somewhere.
"Do you mind if I smoke?" I asked.
"Go ahead," he said, setting an ashtray on the coffee table. He sat there on the the futon while I stood, talking. I tried to explain some things to him that I was certain she hadn't told him, but he didn't seem too interested in hearing it. "Look, I don't really want to know about what's going on with you two. At this point I just wanna stay out of it. I don't even know where she is right now and I don't care."
There was something I did want to know, though, even if I was pretty sure I already knew the answer. After trying to force myself to ask the question for a few awkward moments, he finally interrupted me and said, "Why don't you just ask me?" I raised my eyes and looked at him. "Have I fucked her? That's what you want to know, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I haven't. She's a cool chick and if things don't work out for you two, I'll be happy to step in and take your place....but I'm not trying to get in the middle of anything here." Somehow, this lie gave me a slight sense of relief (as if it really mattered whether it were true or not at that point). Eventually, he told me that he would have her call me if he heard from her. With that, I left.
Later on that night, I actually did receive a call from her. She declined to let me pick her up for our conversation, instead opting to be dropped off by Steve. I was outside when they pulled up. As she exited the vehicle, he asked her, "Are you sure you're alright?"
"Yeah," she told him. Then we walked together, silently toward our first (and last) apartment.
To be continued...
