Change
8.5.7
Every now and then Autumn and I like to have a "40 night." It's a nice occasional deviation from our usual highbrow liquors. No mixing...just cheap, quick-and-dirty drinking. I've learned through experience, however, that the stores around here don't carry my 40 of choice: Colt 45.
Whenever we decide to have a "40 night" I always end up driving from store to store, trying to find my brand. The stores in this area all have pretentious hardwood floors and a thousand wine choices...but no Colt. After a few tries, I always end up breaking down and driving all the way back to Aurora, where the 40s flow like wine. Specifically, I always end up at a ghetto little store by my old apartment at Hickory Ridge.
It's funny. Every time I go out there, it seems like things have gotten worse. I wonder, though, if that's true or not. Maybe it's just my perception. That area seemed so nice when I moved there years ago. Have things really changed that much, or do I simply have higher standards now?
I also had an IM conversation last night with an old friend/acquaintance, Alexia. I had written her to ask if she was interested in going to The Dunes this year. She turned me down so flat-out that it kind of depressed me. It wasn't that I had neccesarily expected her to come. It was just the way she made me question my decision to even ask. I guess it was just a reminder of what a bad friend I can be. Sometimes it seems like I only keep in touch with people twice a year.
AVD and The Dunes. My two annual parties have really always been my time to shine with my friends. That's one of the reasons I've decided to phase them out of my yearly schedule, I suppose. I feel like I use them as an excuse to neglect my friends, in a way. I never go to anyone's parties. I never meet anyone new. Six months a year I'm just waiting for my next big party to arrive...knowing that I can see everyone then.
In a way, it's kind of scary knowing that this year will see the last Dunes...but it needs to be done.
For the past few days I've also been working on another change that was long overdue: This site.
For almost three years this site has remained a monolith of constancy. The same boring index page. The same color scheme throughout. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. With that, and the lack of updates, it seemed that cutaia.net's popularity was even starting to suffer.
I finally went through and gave most every page a new theme, though. It feels good to finally be looking at something new on these pages. New colors, new images...a whole new feel. It makes me wonder why I never did this before. It gives me the sense that I can have a fresh start. I really feel like I'm going to be able to keep up with this website thing this time around. Maybe now I'll finally get that drooping green line to turn around...
Of course, if Autumn doesn't change her mind, I may have plenty of time on my hands for site updating...
Tonight, Autumn told me she wants to move out.
Quite frankly, though, I've heard all of this before. She's made this assertion a few times in the past. She's always changed her mind within a few days. At that point, we usually end up trying to figure out how to make things better.
Most of our past arguments have surrounded a general lack of attention to each other's needs, and this one is no different. She generally wants more affection than I can give her, and I want her to be more proactive in the upkeep of our apartment. That's...pretty much the gist of all of our problems. So, we go around and around on issues that are almost always in some way related to those two things.
Eventually things come to a head. When that happens, she gets emotional and I, in turn, get very quiet. It's technically a really bad combination. Fortunately, this problem has always resolved itself, though. If you ask me...I have a feeling that this time will end up with the same result.
I could be wrong, though. Maybe Autumn really will leave this time. For now, I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Either way, one thing is clear: I'm gonna have to get used to change, because it seems to be everywhere I go.
