Douchebags
9.25.6
I recently discovered that my insurance brokers are complete and total douchebags.
It all started on June 30th. I had called Progressive Auto Insurance to ask them a few questions about broken glass claims. I wanted to find out if it was even worth it to file a claim for a little broken window (I didn't assume it would be).
I asked a few questions about the claims process, as well as the financial aspects involved. In the end, she informed me that I had assumed correctly: It would not be worth it to file a claim. The deductible itself would be four times more than the cost of simply fixing the window.
I hung up, satisfied with my answer.
About an hour later, I received a call from another Progressive employee. He told me that he needed to ask me a few questions so he could process my claim. "What claim?" I asked him.
Apparently, the first woman I had spoken with had filed a claim on my behalf. This, despite the fact that our conversation had ended with me verifying that I did not want to file a claim.
I told him what had happened, and explained that I hadn't filed any claims. I wanted him to take this supposed "claim" off of my record, but he informed me that to do so was "impossible." He then told me that he could simply close the claim, and it wouldn't be counted against me in the future.
That seemed fair enough, so I told him to do just that.
A few days later, I found myself suddenly angry again. I had received a letter in the mail telling me that my claim had been closed. There were several checkboxes on this particular letter. Each one was next to a different "reason" for which a claim might be closed. One of these reasons read, "This claim was closed per your request."
That box, however, was not the one that was marked (even though it was the only accurate choice). The box that they had checked said, "We have determined the value of your damage to be less than $100." Now this simply wasn't true at all. They hadn't determined anything about the value of the damage...and if they had, they would have realized that it costs at least $140 to fix such a window.
This made me very mad.
I called Progressive back, again demanding that they remove all traces of this "claim" from my record. It was now a matter of principle. If asking them a few simple questions could turn into such a hassle...then how could I trust them to help me when I actually needed it?
In the end, they refused to take off the claim, despite my warnings that they would be losing a customer forever. As soon as this oh-so-corporate conversation ended, I dialed my local insurance broker (Affordable Insurance at 303.344.0154).
The "local guy" is supposed to care. They're supposed to do whatever they can to assist you. They're supposed to try and keep you happy. Whether they actually think the customer is right or not...they're at least supposed to pretend to. That's what the local guy is here for.
It's funny to me. All the man at Affordable Insurance needed to do to keep my business was say something along the lines of: "I'm sorry that you're unhappy with Progressive, but we've talked to them, and they're unwilling to remove the claim. If you'd like, we can write you a policy with a different company." That's all!
Instead, he told me this: "I've talked to Progressive, and they tell me that you did file a claim. I've been working with Progressive for over 10 years, and they don't lie!"
In other words...this man was calling me a fucking liar!
A person cannot call me a liar, and expect to keep my business. I immediately went to work on finding a new insurance company, and found one fairly quickly.
My boss recommended his Allstate agent, and I found that I could save over $40 a month by switching to them. Also, I could finally get some renter's insurance to protect my property from theft, flood, and fire! I called up Affordable Insurance again (303.344.0154), and informed them that I wanted to cancel my policy.
This was when the douchebaggery really began.
I was then told that it wouldn't really be worth it to cancel my insurance so late in the policy. There would end up being a "big cancellation fee," which would not only stop me from getting any kind of refund...it would probably cause me to owe them money. When I asked her exactly how much I would have to pay, she told me that there was no way to know that. Progressive doesn't calculate that number until after the policy is actually cancelled. Besides...I only had one more month to pay, and then I'd have a free month! Who doesn't like a free month of insurance?
As much as I hated doing it...I stayed with them. It didn't seem worth it to pay them hundreds of dollars just to make a point, did it?
Then when my final bill came, I noticed something: This...was not...my final fucking bill.
I called them back (at 303.344.0154), and asked her to explain where this "free month" was, because I had done the math, and I certainly wasn't seeing it. She put me on hold for a few minutes, and finally came back on the line. She told me that I was right. I didn't have a free month after all. Supposedly, she had thought I was on a "down payment" plan, when I was really on an "equal installments" plan.
The conversation ended when I said dryly, "I guess I should have known better than to assume you knew what you were talking about."
At this point she automatically kicked into a weird kind of defense mechanism. "Thank you! You have a good day! Goodbye!" She said loudly in sarcastic mock pleasantness. I hung up.
One could say I went too far. One could say that people make mistakes, and I shouldn't be such an asshole about it. One would be completely fucking wrong, though, because this story isn't over just yet...
I was fucking done with these assholes. I was determined to cancel my insurance, no matter fucking what. I didn't care how much it was gonna cost me...I refused to be one of their customers a single day longer.
I didn't want to talk to that bitch again, so I took my chances with 1-800-Progressive. It was then and only then, that I finally spoke with someone helpful. I asked her several questions about the cancellation process, and she answered them all completely...
- FACT: There is no fee for cancelling my policy.
- FACT: Upon cancellation, a refund of the entire remainder of the current month's payment will be given.
- FACT: Progressive is very capable of giving an exact number of how much a refund or fee will be before cancellation takes place.
There it was...the truth. Finally. Until now, everything any of these people had told me had been a complete lie.
I could finally get out.
Ironically, I didn't actually lose anything in the end. When I discovered that I could indeed leave Progressive, I called the Allstate agent to start the switching process. Unfortunately, when he ran my license history, he found a revocation from 7 years ago that I had all but forgotten about. Because of this, he wouldn't be able to write a policy for me until September 27th...two days from now. When that day comes, I will finally be done with all of those douchebags at "Affordable" Insurance. I can't fucking wait to set up my new car insurance...as well as renter's insurance.
Especially after what happened yesterday...
To be continued...
