Brand New Dumpster
7.16.5
My apartment complex recently got new dumpsters.
It's strange to see a brand new dumpster. No rust. No brown stains. Just a pristine green container. I almost didn't want to put my trash in it for fear of ruining that.
The sight of it kind of threw me off. I'm so used to seeing disgusting, smelly dumpsters. I knew that new ones had to exist, but I never expected to see one. But then...that's what I get for expecting anything.
I did not expect that my recent girlfriend Autumn, would leave me for the possibility of getting back together with the ex-boyfriend she always bitches about. I did not expect that Jen would be stopping by every now and then to sleep on my couch with me. I did not expect that Chelsea would call me up again after 3 months of non-communication. I didn't expect a lot of things.
But here I am.
It seems that everything in my life always happens all at once. I go through these dry periods where nothing happens, and then suddenly...too much. I just want things to be easy. I want one option, and only one option. Yes, wouldn't life be sweet if the path was always clearly marked and free of detours?
Ah...but when I really think about it...it is.
It should be so obvious after everything I've been through with these girls.
I had a discussion with someone the other day. It focused around the way people are drawn to unhealthy relationships. Autumn claims that her ex treats her like shit. Jen's ex/current boyfriend recently got drunk and punched out her car's mirror (so the story goes). Chelsea spent the past several months with someone so controlling that he deleted all her phone numbers not once, but twice (hence, the lack of phone calls I received from her).
My whole life I've gone after girls who are too busy seeking these types of relationships to notice me. It used to piss me off to no end. But during the course of this conversation I realized something: I'm doing the same fucking thing.
It's like I find the girls with the absolute least interest in me to obsess over. It makes me wonder what I've been missing out on. There could be someone out there who actually wants me, and I've just never noticed. It's almost funny.
So, I guess it's time for me to stop looking so hard, because apparently, I don't know where to look. I'm just gonna sit back, relax, and let things happen.
I've said it before, and it still rings true today. Expectations lead only to disappointment.
...if I were a garbage man, I think I'd name my truck "Sweetie-pie."
