Update
6.19.5
Forgive me father for I have sinned.
It has been over a month since my last update. I can try and make excuses for this unintentional hiatus: My keyboard was out of commission for a while. I've been busy with my new job. The video and flash projects I've been working on have taken up so much of my precious computer time.
But confession is pointless without honesty. So here's the truth.
I have been lazy. That's it.
I suppose it began to feel like a duty. Like a job. I remember hating "Catcher in the Rye" when I read it in school. It is now my favorite book. In fact, I've loved each and every one of Salinger's works. Being forced to read it, though, made it somehow impossible to enjoy.
I have to remember why I'm doing this. In the beginning, I did it to fill the spaces between pining for Kris, and hating Kris. Recently, she appeared in my life again in a vague way. She started writing her own "blogs" about her recent failed pregnancy, and about the time she got drunk and logged onto the cutaia-cam (just to "freak me out"), and about her idiotic "name change."
(By the way Kris...if you're reading this, here's a little advice. If you ever want to be truly happy, you really do need to stop running away from your problems. I wouldn't want to be you either, but perhaps it's a better idea to fix yourself instead of creating someone entirely new.)
The more I know, the more I feel...I don't know...
Lucky to be away from her.
Oh, but look at this. I shouldn't have done that. I didn't want this to become yet another entry about her, because in the long run, she doesn't matter anymore. I've made my peace. I've said my Hail Marys. I'm done.
Which leads me to the question: Why now am I doing this? Why continue what was initially because of her?
Which leads me to the answer:
For me.
For the first time in 7 years, I am doing things for myself. I am not simply existing to please someone else. This is mine, and no one can take it away from me. That is why I do this, and that is why I will continue to do this.
I apologize to anyone who was disappointed by my disappearance. It won't happen again. I have found myself. I am saved.
