Sick
2.17.5
These are the days when I hate Kris the most.
Last night I began to cough, but didn't think much of it. This morning I awoke to what could only be described as "Mexican Throat Cancer." I call it this in remembrance of my trip to Boquillas, Mexico, many years ago. During that trip I experienced many things, but I think my greatest memory might be the morning I woke up coughing up blood. Needless to say, the appropriate medical facility was nowhere to be found.
Today, I can barely feel anything but pain. I'm coughing (thankfully sans-blood), my throat hurts, I'm fatigued, my entire body is sore and stiff...I am sicker than I have been in years. Normally, I don't get sick. I have always had a fairly good immune system. During the rare occasions when I do, however, it hits me hard.
The past 3 years, I had Kris to take care of me whenever this happened. That was perhaps the most comforting feeling in the world. I think at times it even caused me to lapse into fits of hypochondria. There was, for example, the time when everyone was getting sick in our house in Ft. Collins. We called the paramedics in to find out if there was perhaps some kind of carbon monoxide leak. There wasn't, but they did refer to the cleanliness of the house as being "third world conditions." When I began to feel dizzy in front of the paramedics, they decided that I needed to be transported via ambulance to the Poudre Valley Hospital. I'm sure I looked and acted worse than I felt. Something about knowing that Kris was concerned...that she truly cared...it caused the dramatic side of me to come out.
More recently, I became sure that a pain in my lower-right abdomen was appendicitis. More likely it was simply a stomach virus, or even gas. Still...two CAT scans, and $6,000 later, and I still have my appendix. I remember wondering if they could just take it out anyways...just in case.
Today, though...today I am fucking sick. I am too sick to even go get something to eat, and my fridge is embarrassingly empty. It contains:
- Butter
- A-1 Steak Sauce
- Kroger brand Taco Sauce
- 2 various Salad Dressings (probably past the expiration dates)
- 2 empty Ice Cube Trays
My refrigerator completely epitomizes my status as a bachelor.
All I want is for someone to take care of me right now. Somebody to bring me soup and saltine crackers. Somebody to force me to take medicine, even though I am against it. Somebody to rent "The Princess Bride" for me. Somebody to call me during the day, while she's at work making sure that we can pay the rent this month.
That person used to be Kris.
She's got someone else to care for these days, though, and that tears me apart. I utterly and completely resent the fact that she is not by my side, right now. I thought I was so "over her" already, but I suppose there will always be times when I start to miss her.
I feel like I'm rambling at this point. God, just let me get over this sickness soon.
