My Social Inadequacy
1.29.5
It was my intent this morning to return from last night's party with all kinds of interesting stories. The stories do exist (For example...when Johnny decided to snort red pepper, and then followed that with a quick jaunt around the house with no pants on), but one thing about last night really sticks out in my mind: My social inadequacy.
I realize now, that I'm still learning how to be single.
For the past 3 years, I always had Kris with me during these events. During those lulls in random conversation with random people, I could always go stand by her and join in on whatever she was doing. It's a bit more awkward to stand by O'Malley when he's talking politics with someone, or discussing music with some chick.
So, at times, I find myself just standing in the corner, hoping that someone will start talking to me. The last time I was single and trying to mingle at parties was back when I was 20. I am 23 now, and it seems the rules have changed.
What happened to the brash, confident, drunken ass I used to be? I never needed a person's permission to talk to them. I never worried about making a fool of myself. I didn't care about stupid bullshit like rejection. Somewhere over the course of the past 3 years, I've lost that part of me. I had embraced the comfort of consistency for so long...thinking that the single life was far behind me.
I'm not whining here. I know that everyone is sick of hearing that, and that the general consensus seems to be, "Buck the hell up, buddy!" No, this is not a complaint. This is a promise to myself:
I will get back to being that crazy bastard who just does not give a fuck.
I don't know how long it might take, but I am determined not to let some cheating cunt continue to fuck with my head.
On a completely unrelated side note:
This morning as I drove home, I saw Rando walking on the sidewalk. His dog darted out into the street, and I almost ran over it.
Talk about awkward...
