I Hate Kids
12.2.4
Kids need to learn to do one thing:
Shut the fuck up!
The children in this neighborhood never shut up. There is a constant barrage of pointless noise coming through my windows in the daytime. They will not stop yelling. It'd be one thing if the noise made sense: Kids playing tag, or uh...I don't know...Marco Polo. ANYTHING! But this random screaming is just fucking awful. It sounds like 10 little kids being massacred by a vicious tiger. It's just one long fucking high-pitched squeal that never quits.
To prove that I'm not just exaggerating here, I've created a little simulator to show you exactly what this apartment sounds like on the weekends. See just how long you can listen to this shit before you completely lose it. (Here's a tip: If you close your eyes and imagine that they actually are being mauled by a tiger, it becomes much more bearable. Almost enjoyable!)
(cutaia)'s apartment simulator!
So, my question is this: Is there anything that I can do about this?
I can't exactly go out there and tell them to keep it down. That would just turn their wrath against me, and in turn I would be inviting upon myself many various acts of vandalism. Plus, kids these days haven't been taught to respect anybody, so the noise would continue.
Perhaps I could go a slightly more subtle route. One night I could head out into the frigid midnight air with a bucket of grease or something. I could paint all the slides and platforms with the stuff...just slather it on, you know? The way I figure it, the children would start playing somewhere else, or they would stay here and end up injuring themselves. Either way, I think I might be happy. If that didn't work, I could just burn the whole play structure down.
God, I hate kids.
Hmmm...
...when did I start using phrases like "kids these days?"
