Cowards
11.11.4
I am 56 hours away from being completely separate from Kris.
I sat in the bedroom for half an hour tonight, just staring at our life together, boxed up...ready to be shipped off. Sunday morning may be the last time I ever see her: The woman I was supposed to spend my entire life with.
I feel confident in my decision to put this past away, but it leaves me feeling so lost. I have no idea where to go from here. I'm so lonely, but I don't know where I can meet someone. The financial state that Kris left me in doesn't exactly allow me to go out all that much. The majority of my social interaction lies with my co-workers. Outside of work, I primarily sit around the house, attempting to do something remotely productive, even if it is just in an artistic sense.
It all just pisses me off. I feel like I've gone and wasted my life away. I've loved her for the past 6 and a half years. It's all I've ever known. I don't even really have any memories prior to meeting her.
The last time I spoke with her, I asked her why she even started dating me three years ago, in the first place. She actually had the balls to tell me that she "felt she owed it to me after all the pain she had caused me." Do you have any idea what it's like to have 3 years of your life called into question? For someone to basically tell you that those years meant absolutely nothing? It's the worst feeling in the world.
It brings me to the following question:
WHY ARE PEOPLE SUCH FUCKING COWARDS?
People do so many things under the guise of sparing another's feelings, but all it ever really does is waste everyone's time. People cheat on their "significant" others instead of sucking it up and breaking up with them. People get their hours at work cut until they finally quit, instead of just getting fired. It's all such bullshit. It could all be avoided if everyone weren't so goddamned afraid all the time.
I spent last night waiting for a phone call. It was a call that I didn't really expect to be made, but I waited around nonetheless. I waited, because that's what you do when you have plans with someone. They're supposed to call you, and you're supposed to be there when they do.
But the call never came.
Of course it didn't. Nobody ever calls me. Nobody ever shows up. Nobody ever goes out with me. What they do, however, is talk a lot of bullshit, and make a lot of empty fucking promises, and I'm fucking sick of it. I've been through enough of that over the past 2 months with that filthy slut, Kris.
So, here's a fucking promise to all of you flaky little bitches out there. From now on, if you tell me that you're going to call, or stop by, or anything, when you actually have ABSOLUTELY NO INTENTIONS of doing it: I'm fucking done with you. I may not have anything better to do than wait around for you, but I don't fucking care. At least do me the courtesy of giving me the opportunity to try and find something else to do. Don't hold me captive all night, just because you're a fucking pussy.
There's one simple little word that you need to learn:
"No."
That's it. If I ask you if you want to do something tonight and you don't want to: Just say, "No." Don't tell me that you'll call me back in 10 minutes after you're done doing something...because you're a dick, and you won't.
So in conclusion:
Fuck you.
